Listening for the change

Mick* approached me to talk. He was known to me in some business circles and through a few acquaintances. He wanted to work together.

I stated quietly: There’s no point.

He looked puzzled. “Why not?”

You consistently shelve women in a lesser-value slot in your mind. Your words announce it.

Indignant, Mick said “How can you say that? I coach my daughter’s volleyball team, and work with women on business projects. I approached you to work together. I don’t bash women. I like women.”

I smiled at his scotoma.

Professionally: when you speak about men and women colleagues in the same sentence: you refer to the men by their last name, you refer to the women by their first name. An example ‘working with Mr. Kason* and Mr. Henderson* is a pleasure. Kerrie* did a nice job on X.’

Personally: speaking about men and women friends and acquaintances in the same sentence: you refer to the men by their first name, and refer to the women by no name. An example ‘Jason*, Ralph*, Ralph’s wife* and some other woman were at the game Tuesday night.’  (To make matters worse, you’ve known both Ralph* and Cindy* for years.)

Your priority is obviously edifying men and erasing women. You’re offering me an uphill battle.
There’s no point in working with someone, male or female, who cannot see value clearly and hasn’t figured out how to speak about women in edifying ways.

Mick was flabbergasted.

I stuck out my hand and shook his, closing the conversation. When you figure it out, try me again. Consciously or subconsciously, I’ll be listening for a welcoming change. As are most of the people you meet.

Names changed *

More: http://tracyelpoured.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/