Salve or sword

A teen behind me made a series of fairly loud and scathing remarks at another teen who was traveling with him. They appeared to be siblings.

I turned and said quietly “The mouth is either salve or sword. You just slaughtered someone in your close circle. Is that wise?”

He looked as though he was ready to deliver another round of remarks to me. I smiled and spoke honestly without guard. “You have potential to be great.” His own guard dropped. I watched the adrenaline course through him as he waited.

“Great swordsmen learn to control self so they can use their blade well. Your sword is out of control. If you don’t learn when and how to use your sword, it will control you. Darkness and death will follow you your entire life if your sword controls you instead of the other way around. The choice is yours.”  I got off the bus and went on my way.

Mismatch

If you think someone’s expectations – or desires – are too high for you, it’s a mismatch.

Unless you enjoy spending considerable and regular time and energy trying to knock down someone else’s expectations or desires. That’s often a classic sign of a person who is utterly scared that they cannot find someone else to be with. Either find someone else who is working on a level more similar to yours, or work on yourself instead of trying to knock down another’s bar.

Talking how?

It’s intriguing to listen to people:

talking AT each other – when they’re trying to either defend their position and/or fix each other

… as compared to

talking WITH each other – when they’re truly interested in (and care for) each other.

Quite a distinct difference.

Taking and making

At work, if someone routinely has difficulty treating both genders fairly equally and collegially, they’re taking things personally and making things personal.

You’re not being paid at work for your personal preferences.
You’re being paid to forward a business.
Leave your personal preferences for others at home. Those don’t belong in the workplace.

Increase

Some people could benefit from increasing their ability to both give & receive love.

Some are far more skilled in giving & receiving fear.  

Again: we get the life we practice.

Valuable you

Develop yourself at all costs.

Mine to the core of you to find what is valuable and good and real and brilliant.

Protect the valuable you from thieves.

Let every situation serve as an opportunity to polish the valuable you.

After all is said and done, potential is realized. What is magnificent in you emerges as a timeless testimony to the remarkable power of the human spirit and the insistent beauty of the human soul.

Fair

Years ago new friend Kurt* brought up the topic of fairness in intimate relationships.  “Why do women need everything to be fair?”

“It lessens the perception of property that men seem to default to.”

Kurt looked at me blankly.

“Guys have a unceasing issue with hierarchy because they’re self bound by what outside them defines them. Hierarchy destroys intimacy.

In the game of hierarchy in intimate relationships, there’s only two options: superior and inferior. Neither supports personal connection. The results of hierarchy in intimate relationships is either/or, either control or fear. Both are hostile environments for love and intimacy. If women started engaging in that game and played for the superior role, rampant fear would demolish men. Mutant use of hierarchy in personal relationships is how men relegate themselves to feeling alone in the world.  

By striving for fair, women show their quest for and commitment to love and intimacy. If a woman wants things to be fair, she cares. When men are secure enough in themselves to strive for fair in their intimate relationships, they’ve allowed themselves to care.”

DNA rearranged before my eyes. After a pregnant and fertile pause, Kurt said quietly, “I’ll have to think about this more. Hierarchy is the only paradigm I know.”

“And you’re alone.”

* Name changed

Trash or treasure

Trash or treasure, you’re responsible for what you say and do.

Your choice. Your results. Your life.

A primary life skill

Learn how to agree to disagree with others.

Tears

Learn the difference between types of tears.

Not all tears are tears of sadness.
Not all tears mean something’s wrong.

Sometimes tears arrive because something’s right.
Some tears arrive while being deeply moved, which is beautiful, rewarding and satisfying.