Addressing the wiggle issue: self leadership

Senior executive Larry * remarked “I’m concerned about hiring this woman.”

Since women do everything men do with the single exception of fathering a child, and fathering a child is not a corporate duty; I don’t understand the question.

Can she do the job competently? “Certainly.”
Will she add value to the company bottom line? “Yes.”
Is she professional? “Yes, admired in the industry for such.”
Then what’s the problem?

Larry hesitated. “I’m attracted to her.”

I see. Are you two involved? “No. Not yet.”
Not yet as in your wishful thinking, or not yet as in you hope so and have reason to believe you will be? “She hasn’t returned my interest directly, so probably the former.”
Does your wife know about your desires for this woman? “No.”

So your concern isn’t about this woman. Your concern is about your self control.
Own that issue rather than projecting it onto someone else. “Ok.”
This matter is about self leadership.

Are you committed to working with this woman as a colleague and putting a tight lid on your fantasies?
She’s not a perk in your executive compensation package.
You’re responsible for taking yourself out of tempting situations and redirecting yourself until this passes.
Talk with your wife about your issue and consciously put any arousing energy into your marriage.
It would be a shame to see your company’s talent bench suffer simply because your thoughts put a wiggle in your pants.

Larry smiled. “It’s that simple, isn’t it? Discipline. I can do this. Thanks. Please join me and my wife for dinner.”

Maybe some other time, Larry. You’re on your own in addressing this first with your wife – and yourself.

Name changed *

New and improved

There are new ways these days.

Enjoy!

Not for angels

I advise against putting systems in place which require men to be angels in order for the systems to work effectively.
Such situations tend to morph into ‘great theoretically, poor reality’ dynamics, increasing lack of trust and cynicism.

Design systems, feedback loops, safeguards and backups for the reduction of foibles and increase of ethical production. Pipeline and reward accordingly.

Potent brew

Greed is a beverage one does well to resist imbibing in, for doing so ferments the mind.

Its intoxicating substance shrivels the soul.

What a potent brew, indeed.

Sweet on the lips, it leaves a lingering bitter aftertaste which lasts for years. Sometimes even generations.

More about collaboration

Collaboration happens between people who

• are confident enough to let others into their process
• readily retain a sense of self while letting others define themselves as they wish
• serve the greater interest of the project/venture, subsuming their own interests to the larger vision
• bring their best willingly, eagerly and consistently while the interchange of talent ensues
• are joyful in joining and being joined by others inside the experiences of the project, within mutual expertise respect
• choose to trust the skipper to helm the venture, hold the vision and make all participants’ contribution a success
• give the benefit of the doubt from a personal space of self confidence

The best of collaborators – often serial collaborators – have a natural emotional generosity.

After a while, as thoughts becoming things, collaborators easily find each other. And just do it. Make things happen.

Create

Deal with grief, sorrow, suffering by creating joy, beauty and love.

Warp speed

A young guy I worked with in the last ten years enthused “Working with you is like the Harada Method on warp speed!”

Enjoy success

Not being able to be gracious about others’ success is a sincere reflection of hurt and self disappointment.

Self inflicted. Is it the greater part of wisdom – or self love – to inflict that on yourself by choice?

Focusing on what you want is one thing. Punishing yourself because your talents don’t line up with current popularity creates spiritual poverty.

People differ. Talents differ. Results differ. Make the most of yours, and enjoy others doing the same.

Party

Playful spring breezes through nearby trees showered cars waiting at a stoplight in gusts of white petals.

It looked like confetti. I smiled at the festive sight.

Most car windows were open. I heard “cool!” from a young boy followed by a girl’s exclamation “Dad, look, it’s a party!”

It was.

Doing deals, POF problems, exchanging value

Watching someone who’s hurt is like seeing them rip their own nose off and wave it around.
You don’t stop the hurt by doing more hurt (doing harm). Impossible. Faulty premise. Design flaw.*
Don’t rip your own nose off to spite someone else’s face.

And no, I don’t want your pound of flesh, you skinny-ass skeleton.
Pound of flesh deals are all about ego; that ego gets directly in the way of effective trade.

POF deals start with people with scarcity mind who don’t believe they matter.
See below post re: matter. There’s more than enough to go around.

If you’re pushing a POF deal to extract someone’s gratitude, extraction doesn’t increase value or gratitude.
Extraction merely increases pain. (See the point about hurt at the start of this post.)
If you value inflicting pain, get therapy for your mental illness so you can add value to society.

For those who believe this is naïve thinking, I’ll resist laughing as I observe your pockmarked, emaciated, poverty-thinking-torn, weary, painful being.
How’s that working for you? No thanks. I don’t do deals with cannibals.

For those still intact with their own flesh; let’s deal.
Those fairly intact, put your nose and pound of flesh back on, and let’s make a trade, shall we?
Exchanging real value for real value.

http://tracyelpoured.wordpress.com/2013/03/17/design-flaws/ *