To new blog

September 7, 2013

There are 1200 posts on this blog.

While I’ll be cross-referencing some of them, blogging is happening at

Feel free to read more here, and come visit/join me there. Thrive.

Search for words “table of contents” to get a drop down list of all blog posts to choose from, or use the tag or category clouds at the bottom of the blog.

Email subscribers, hyperlink searchers, RSS seekers … come to the Qualia4U blog.

Questioners: check out the above blog, or You will find an answer. Thrive.


Trust and kudos

August 13, 2013

The youth generation knows the trust of mutually calling each other out: female and male alike.

They share the job of making sure no one goes off the rails: male and female alike.

These are keys to human thriving, and thriving into future generations. Well done.


August 13, 2013

Men want to know they’re wanted. Just like women.

How they go about getting that desire met leaves a lot to be desired sometimes.

(We are all wanted.)


Project leadership

August 12, 2013

About two decades ago, a colleague was fuming because an executive we both worked for had chosen me to lead a key project.

“Why did he choose you over me? It’s not fair.”

Since this happened at lunch, one he invited me to as we often did (our schedules were similar at the time, it worked well occasionally when he wasn’t at lunch with his spouse and I wasn’t at lunch with others): I continued enjoying my excellent & warm meal while his grew cold. Once he’d finished whatever he said (I tuned him out once it became clear his fuming was only circles of that one question): I gently asked: do you want an answer or are you merely wanting to hear yourself spew?

He stopped, blinked, looked down at his now-cold meal with a bit of sadness, and said now-quietly: I’d like an answer, if you want to share it.

He chose me because I’ve shown consistent follow through. I don’t drop the ball, even with multiple balls in the air at the same time. You give me a project, it gets done. My execution is excellent and nearly always flawless. You follow through at whim, when it suits your fancy or particular political ladder-climbing tendencies of the moment. Your eye is on the top of the ladder rather than on the work: you miss opportunities all the time to add value to the company. You drop the ball: you’ve done it on other projects you and I have done, and your way of handling that is to try to force someone else to do your work for you (which, as you know, doesn’t work with me, has had mixed success at best, and bad feelings among your colleagues and management at worst).

He also chose me because I communicate to other involved people as applicable, clearly and well. (Not to stem inane curiosity or play into power plays: as people need to know, they know). You leave people out of the loop, given political leanings or maybe because you simply forget that a situation impacts their job/decision making as well. He’s given you chances he hasn’t given others, and he has to ‘clean up’ after you with other departments. I suspect he’s spoken to you about that issue. It makes problems for all of us.

He shrugged, but the point was clear he knew the issue well and had been spoken to about it.

He also chose me because I collaborate more effectively than you do, given everything I’ve already said here. My results are better than yours. I make better decisions than you do. This project involves millions of dollars: he can’t – and the company can’t – afford to have it screwed up. Until you prove to him that you follow through reputably, improve communication focus (not VOLUME of communication, RESULTS of communication): there’s no logical reason for him to pick you – over me or anyone else with our skill sets. Thanks for playing.

And thanks for lunch: great meal. It’s my turn to buy next time.

So called projection bias

August 12, 2013

It’s called lack of follow through.
We DO know how our brains will react to loss. We DO know how our emotions turn up. It’s completely predictable.
If someone punched you in the face, there’s a pretty predictable set of emotions you (and most people) will go through.
The degree or expression of that emotion can vary a bit from person to person, but not much or often in the general population (unless they self manage well).
Some of us just refuse to acknowledge the worst COULD happen, until it does.
You can tell when you’re going to be averse to an event, if you’re paying attention.

Some make decisions based on what’s in front of them at the moment and what they want to see.

When the worst does happen (as it will, sometimes), our emotions respond (naturally). Stunted, irrational people blame the ‘emotional, irrational side of the brain’ – like it’s some alien creature. ALL of your brain is yours: not just the so-called “rational” parts you prefer to use, talk about, project, claim to understand & use as identity.

It’s irrational to blame the “emotional, irrational side of the brain” like it’s an alien creature.

Thanks for playing. Back to the drawing board for you, Mr. Unconscious.

(Finance sector, develop your people. They’re harming the global community.)

Best yet

August 12, 2013

Every ending gives birth to a new beginning.

Make it your best beginning yet.

I do.

I say Yes to Life.

#1 on the list: earn it

August 12, 2013

I want us – humankind – to make the intelligent species list.*

We have to earn that distinction.

For the competitive types: THERE’S a real competition. Self competition.

Earn our way onto the intelligent species* list.

We have the capacity to top that list, if we develop the will to achieve our capacity. *

Young supple shiny birch trees are beautiful.
Their taut bark was used by Native Americans to watertight canoes.

Birch trees don’t tend to live a long life. They’re soft & give out.
Unless they split. Become “disfigured”, so to speak.

Natural splits allow excess water to escape by evaporation.
Birch trees know exactly where to split, while keeping needed integrity for growth.
The splits often grow lumpy knobs and warp, causing tree curves to widen.
A mature birch becomes a mighty & statuesque sight to behold over decades.


August 12, 2013

Who are you to begrudge anyone else their happiness, especially when it does you no harm?

Small soul complex*. Leave them alone. Live and let live. Try being happy for them, perhaps.

(Search term “small soul”*)

We’re still at a social point where (some) guys choose not to “trust” women until they feel they have full control over the interaction between the two. That’s not an issue of “trust”, it’s an issue of control (primarily self-control). Simply unrealistic. Faulty premise.*

No living being has full control over any interaction with another living being in the natural world. Nor are men “entitled” to having full control over an encounter/interaction. There’s zero chance of mutual trust in encounters where one feels they “have to have” full control over the encounter. So, by their very approach & demands, such guys undermine their own encounters regularly: creating their own failure.

The issue isn’t in “trusting women”. The issue lies in the perception that these guys cannot trust themselves to engage successfully: and project that fear of failure onto their encounters, creating failure as they go.

Thankfully, such guys are lessening in number: many are learning better, releasing self hatred* & earning their own self trust on the road to Good Men.

(Search term “self hatred”*)  (search term “faulty premise”)



Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 39 other followers

%d bloggers like this: